Blah-Blah-Blahg: Food For Nought

How The Peacock Got Its Eyes: A por quoi tale form Greek mythology
Zeus and Hera, being the over-sexed, quarrelsome couple they were, can be thanked for the beauty of the male peacock's feathers. Zeus was quite fond of women, not only his wife, but also mortals, other immortals, demigods... So when Zeus was frolicking about Greece, getting his fingers in the pudding, Hera kept a close eye upon him. I mean really, nothing compares to ambrosia. One day, jealous Hera spied a suspicious looking thundercloud were no cumulus, stratus, nimbus or other meteorological formation ending in - us should be. She knew something was up. So she swooped down and found Zeus with a lovely ...cow. Yes, Zeus had seen his immortal wife coming and, to protect his mortal wife, Io, from the powerful goddess' wrath, he had transformed her into a ...cow. Wouldn't be my first choice, but to each his own. Nevertheless, this cow was still a dead ringer for the gorgeous Io - I guess a few extra pounds, blotchy skin, and ozone-destroying flatulence couldn't conceal her beauty. Needless to say, Hera wasn't fooled, but she played dumb and begged Zeus to give her the darling little cow. Zeus obliged his wife lest he give himself away. So Hera tied Io to a tree and made her servant Argus watch over her.
Argus had a hundred bright eyes all over his body and was an excellent watchman because he never closed more than half of his eyes at a time - even when he slept (kind of like a dolphin!). Thus, Argus watched Io chew her cud, graze, and do other cow things. But alas, Zeus could stand to see his mortal wife in this ungainly form no longer. He sent Hermes, that little trickster God, to free Io.
Hermes arrived on Earth disguised as a simple shepherd playing a shepherd's pipe. He approached Argus and Argus was pleased to have the company of the shepherd because he had nothing to do with all of his brilliant eyes but watch Io, the cow, do her cow things. So Hermes told Argus a long-winded story with no end in sight. Slowly, half of Argus' eyes began to close. Hermes continued his endless muttering until every one of Argus' eyes fell shut. Quickly, Hermes waved a magic wand to close Argus' hundred eyes permanently - Argus had been bored to death.
Next, Hermes released Io, the cow, but all she could do was "Moo", which made her virtually unrecognizable to her human kin. So she scratched "I-O" in the dirt until some bipeds took notice. Eventually, Hera flew into a rage when she found out that Io had been set free. So she sent a gadfly to chase and sting her. This exhausting chase brought Io all the way to Egypt where the general public was impressed by her snow-white coat and beauty. The Egyptians exalted Io as a goddess and she was eventually allowed to take on her human form again.
However, Hera was still pissed about her loyal servant, Argus. I guess it's always been hard to find good help. To insure that Argus would never be forgotten, she took his hundred bright eyes and emblazoned them on her favorite bird - the peacock. These stunning eyes gave the male bird a massive ego, making it the vainest of all birds.
Moral of the story: Behind every pretty boy is a raging bitch?