Sunday, February 1, 2009

Blah-Blah-Blahg: Food For Nought


A Common but Terrible Predicament

Anyone who uses a public bathroom with any frequency must know the horrible shiver that that crawled into my guts when I recently entered a bathroom stall and saw pee on the toilet seat. It was too late though. The pee wasn't all over the place,nor was it a strange color or consistency - but it wasn't my pee. Moreover, there was a huge line behind me, I was aching with a belly full of tea and I had already walked in and latched the door. I couldn't turn back now. Once you latch - it's like a promise ring - ridiculous, but still a commitment has been made to follow through.

What to do? Do I clean that foreign pee or do I quickly squat and allow the next Jane who walks in to believe that I am a filthy creature? I felt my entire being was in flux. Why did I have to drink so much tea? Should I walk out now and risk a mini-walk of shame or having to use the loo (without readmittance) into the film at the Griffith Park Observatory's Planetarium? I know myself; I wouldn't be able to hold it through an entire film, no matter how brief. So I squatted and hoped the crowd would clear so that when I reemerged no one would be there to finger-point at my total misconduct.

Fortunately, the line seemed to have disappeared (probably while I was fretting over my options in the stall). So, I was able to sneak out, avoiding the stares of suspicious women in line. I guess life isn't so bad after all. After all, I have had many other encountes of the turd kind that have made me feel lucky to be alive today.

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