Banking Rules

I was standing in line at the bank and
the fellow in front of me was humming. The
line was long and slow, and after a while
the humming began to irritate me. I said to
the fellow, "Excuse me, would you mind not
humming." And he said, "Was I humming?
I'm sorry, I didn't realize it." And he went
right on humming. I said, "Sir, you're
humming again." "Me, humming?" he said.
"I don't think so." And then he went on
humming. I was about to blow my lid. Instead,
I went to find the manager. I said, "See
that man over there in the blue suit?" "Yes,"
he said, "what about him?" "He won't stop
humming," I said, "I've asked him politely
several times, but he won't stop." "There's
no crime in humming," he said. I went back
and took my place in line. I listened, but
there was nothing coming out of him. I said,
"Are you okay, pal?" He looked mildly peeved,
and gave me no reply. I felt myself shrinking.
The manager of the bank walked briskly up
to me and said, "Sir, are you aware of the
fact that you're shrinking?" I said I was.
And he said, "I'm afraid we don't allow that
kind of behavior in this bank. I have to ask
you to leave." The air was whistling out
of me, I was almost gone.

by James Tate from Return to the City of White Donkeys

Ginger-Mango Salsa

This was inspired by a salsa I had at my dear friend's recent wedding. The salsa pairs well with chips, pork, chicken, or firm white fish.


INGREDIENTS:
2 large, ripe champagne mangoes (the smaller more lima bean shaped ones), peeled, flesh cut from pit into 1/4 inch dice (1 3/4 to 2 cups)
2 tablespoons minced red onion
2 – 3 tablespoons lime juice , from 1 to 2 limes
2 teaspoons minced ginger (from about a 1 inch piece of peeled ginger)
kosher salt salt
cayenne pepper
DIRECTIONS:
In medium bowl, toss together mango, onion, 2 tablespoons lime juice, ginger, 1/2 teaspoon kosher salt, and 1/8 teaspoon cayenne; let stand at room temperature to blend flavors, 15 to 30 minutes. Adjust seasoning with additional lime juice, salt, and cayenne. Serve.

***The word salsa is derived from the Latin salsa ("salty"), from sal ("salt"). Saline and salad are also related words. Mexican salsas have traditionally been produced using the mortar and pestle-like molcajete, although blenders are now more commonly used.
** Most salsas sold in the U.S are forms of salsa cruda or pico de gallo, but to increase their shelf life, have been cooked and have vinegar added.
* The dollar amount of salsa sales in the U.S. has overtaken those of ketchup. This may be attributed to the fact that fresh salsas (ones that must be refrigerated) spoil faster than other condiments, and may be purchased more often than condiments with longer shelf lives.

Recipe by Cristina Paul

Blah-Blah-Blahg: Food For Nought

Today is Tax Day. The federal income tax has been in effect since Congress ratified the 16th Amendment in 1913. Basically, all that means is that each year, when April comes around like a big brown paper bag full of doody, I just want to stab myself in the eye with a dull pencil until my tax return arrives. I wish I could order up a glass of toxic assets like so much milk and just laugh until they squirted out my nose and my mutual funds recovered from the havoc that the economy has wreaked upon all of us. This whole situation is really a laugh. I liken it to a bunch of kids playing Dungeons and Dragons - except instead of sci-fi fantasy nerds, they are numbers dorks and con artists and they're making big bucks doing number wizardry. But instead of laughing at these money hungry wizards - we all bought into it. All I really need to know about money is what I learned in grade school - don't trust people who have fun playing make-believe games or at least don't eat lunch in the same area and don't join in.

Introduction to Poetry

I ask them to take a poem
and hold it up to the light
like a color slide

or press an ear against its hive.

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

I want them to waterski
across the surface of a poem
waving at the author's name on the shore.

But all they want to do
is tie the poem to a chair with rope
and torture a confession out of it.

They begin beating it with a hose
to find out what it really means.

by Billy Collins from The Apple That Astonished Paris

Red Quinoa With Oro Blanco and Avocado

Serves 4

Heating the quinoa in the saucepan imparts a nutty flavor to this pseudocereal (technically it is not a grass). This dish makes for delicious leftovers or it can be made ahead; you should add the avocado the day the quinoa is served.

INGREDIENTS:
2 teaspoons olive oil
3/4 cup halved and then thinly sliced leeks (about a half of a small leek)
4 cups red Swiss chard chopped, with red stems chopped and set aside (about 4 leaves)
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
3/4 cup red quinoa
1 1/2 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1 oro blanco grapefruit, peeled, with individual wedges cut in half
1/2 cup crumbled feta cheese
1/4 cup golden raisins
1 medium avocado chopped into 3/4 inch pieces

DIRECTIONS:
1. Heat oil in a 12 inch skillet on medium. Add leeks and red chard stems. Cook and stir occasionally until softened, about 5 – 7 minutes.
2. Add chopped chard leaves and kosher salt to skillet and cover. Cook for about 8 minutes, stirring once so that leaves wilt evenly. Uncover and set aside.
3. Meanwhile, add red quinoa to a medium saucepan and heat on high for 30 seconds. Add liquid and bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer for about 15 minutes, until most liquid is absorbed. Taste quinoa to test for doneness. The grains should be translucent, red and the germs should have opened.
4. Toss in the grapefruit, feta and raisins. Salt the avocado and gently toss the avocado in last. Serve warm or at room temperature.
**Red quinoa is a complete protein just like plain old white quinoa. Protein is made up of amino acids, 12 of which are produced by the human body. Another 9, called essential amino acids, must be obtained from food. A complete protein contains all of the essential amino acids.
*Compared with white quinoa, the red variety has a subtle, earthy flavor, but it’s just as easy to digest. Once cooked, it has a light brownish color.

Recipe by Cristina Paul

Blah-Blah-Blahg: Food For Nought

I feel like Uncle Joey from Full House, 'cause all I have to say is: "WOH!"

Meditation on Ruin

It's not the lost lover that brings us to ruin, or the barroom brawl,
or the con game gone bad, or the beating
Taken in the alleyway. But the lost car keys,
The broken shoelace,
The overcharge at the gas pump
Which we broach without comment — these are the things that
eat away at life, these constant vibrations
In the web of the unremarkable.

The death of a father — the death of the mother —
The sudden loss shocks the living flesh alive! But the broken
pair of glasses,
The tear in the trousers,
These begin an ache behind the eyes.
And it's this ache to which we will ourselves
Oblivious. We are oblivious. Then, one morning—there's a
crack in the water glass —we wake to find ourselves undone.

by Jay Hopler from Green Squall